The Grace of Betrayal - Wolfstar
by Lizor
Summary: The war first wizarding war is approaching. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin both get dragged to a different side. They need to hold on to each other, but can you justify turning your back to your friends when you are in love and are there always only two sides?
1. -

**PART ONE**

 **"GRACE"**

 _Sirius Orion Black_

when i touch your lips  
with mine  
and you tell me  
you love me  
when you hold me  
and then leave me  
when we stand opposite  
on different sides  
but united  
that is the _grace_ of  
 **betrayal**


	2. Grace - Zero (1)

I felt a hand through my long black hair. Lips kissed my glowing skin. Our legs tangled together and our arms wrapped around each other. My heart was pulsing and I felt hot and sweaty, but very much alive.

'Black!' My daydream vanished. I looked up into the piercing eyes of Minerva McGonagall. A sly grin touched the corners of my mouth. I flung my hair back and felt that my cheeks were slightly flushed.

'Yes, professor?' I asked in a casual non-caring tone.

'I asked you if you could show me how to change your pig into a broom. Go on then.' I stretched, sat up and looked at the pig that was standing next to my desk. Right. I flicked my wand with my usual grace and ease and the pig turned into a broom — though with a strange looking end in the shape of a small pigtail and a slightly pinkish colour.

'Voila,' I said. The class started laughing and I threw a wink at the boy sitting next to me. Remus Lupin pulled up his eyebrows and frowned slightly at me. He then shook his head and continued writing — whatever he was writing — with his tongue half sticking out of his mouth.

'I suggest you keep practicing that, Black. You might pull this off, but this is still not nearly good enough for your N.E.W.T.s… are you even listening?!' I pulled away my eyes from the sand haired boy and I looked up at her.

'Sorry, professor. Of course I am. I will always listen to your lovely voice. Did I already tell you that it sounds like mus-.' 'Silence, Black!' she bellowed, but I noticed the corners of her mouth twitching slightly. I smirked. At that point the bell rang. I picked up my bag and glanced at Lupin while he headed off towards his friends. I then walked back to mine and while I did so, I made sure my green tie is slightly out of place in a cool, casual way. While everyone filed out of the classroom, I couldn't help but stare at Lupin's gorgeous backside and wonder what it might look like naked.

/This is only the prologue, but I hope you like it so far! (: I'm always open for comments and tips!


	3. Grace - Zero (2)

The warm Gryffindor Common Room was rather inviting. The fire that was burning in the fireplace was making my cheeks rosy. A was a book spread open on my lap and I had almost finished the first chapter. I was reading Pride and Prejudice once again. I had read that book many times already, but whenever I ran out of books to read I just took that one back again and started to read it all over. It was by no doubt my favorite book, though my best friends thought it was a rather "girlish" thing to read. James Potter was sitting on the couch near me and he was playing with a golden snitch while his eyes kept flicking over to the other side of the room where a beautiful red-haired girl was porched on a side table surrounded by her friends. I shook my head and went back to reading. I wouldn't come through to James, even if I tried to. A deep sigh left my mouth, but after a while it became clear to me I wouldn't be able to concentrate much longer.

'I am going to take a bath,' I proclaimed to James and Petter. I got up and gathered my stuff before getting upstairs and grabbing some clean clothes. I could just take a bath in the bathroom here, but since it wasn't that late yet I could easily go up to the Prefect's Bathroom and take my bath there. James didn't even seem to have noticed that I had gone and Peter was too busy looking at the Snitch with which was playing — like usual. I rolled my eyes and laughed softly to myself before stepping through the portrait hole and disappearing into the hallways. With my clothes in my arms I came walking around a corner, but when I stepped into the hallway in which the Prefect's Bathroom was situated, I ran into a rather mouth dropping scene. Against the wall — right next to the bathroom's door — were standing two guys. Two guys that were making out rather enthusiastically and one of the guys was none other than Sirius Black. I blinked. Yes, of course I knew he liked guys, but was he seriously doing this here and right now? I coughed softly to make sure they heard me coming and Black looked up. His hair was sticking out in various directions. I swallowed. He looked far more attractive than I remembered him, especially with this hairdo.

'Can… I pass?' I asked and I gestured at the door. Black grinned and his eyes flicked to the pile of clothes in my hands. He nodded and took the hand of a Ravenclaw boy that I did not recognize. My cheeks got slightly red and I stepped past them. A soft squeak then left my mouth when I suddenly felt a hand smack against my behind. I spun around and the last thing I saw was a black haired boy winking at me before running away with his boy toy. I turned completely scarlet and ran into the bathroom, still feeling the place where the boy had playfully hit my ass burn slightly.

/Merry Christmas! And enjoy this second prologue (:


	4. Grace - One (1)

**GRACE • • • ONE / 1**

 _a storming desire_

It was a beautiful day, rather suitable to the occasion, but it made wearing the thick black robes quite uncomfortable. I would have liked to pull thing thing off, but I had promised my parents to behave today. Not that I listened to my parents, I just listened to them when they promised me a motorbike as a graduation present — which they had done, though probably just to make me shut up. My parents weren't the warmest people — or who was kidding, I didn't think they knew what the word "love" meant or otherwise they were allergic to it. They would have never presented me with something like a muggle motorbike if I hadn't threatened to show my naked bum in front of the whole graduation comity and the most respected families in the wizarding world. That worked. My father had made me swear I would behave and only then I would get the money to buy myself a motorbike — under the condition that I would not ride it anywhere near respectable wizards or that I would not show it to anyone. I just didn't think they liked the world seeing that I was there son and that I was interested in anything else than their status as a pureblood family. My brother — on the other hand — was the great hero. They did love him or at least they did a very good job at pretending they did. I wished I could leave them all behind, but I couldn't turn my back on him. I could not leave, turn my back on my little brother and leave them with those devils. Besides that, I didn't have anywhere to go. I could go to Avery's house or maybe to Malfoy's, but I would just end up seeing my own family again. Those fuckers were all related by some far cousin anyways. Pureblood wizards hadn't yet discovered that incest was weird and kinda gross. Anyways, that was not the reason why I was here on this very beautiful day in my sweaty robes, looking rather hot — in both senses. It was graduation day, yay!

I moved on the spot and looked around at the hundreds of seats that carried students as well as parents and other family members from the ones that would be graduating. I could see my parents sitting in the front, next to Allan Avery's family — one of my friends. Allan's family looked just as stiff as mine and I had to stop myself from laughing at the sight of them. If you could see them as well, you would probably wonder if they might die if they showed any kind of positive feeling or feeling at all. They all looked as stiff as coat racks and especially my mother. I bowed over to the boy standing next to me. This, also, was a friend of mine or more like a friend of the family. You couldn't really call Allan Avery, Severus Snape and Isak Mulciber friends, because I didn't think they even knew how to be one. We just came from the same families and our parents had planned the same for us. I just wished Regulus stayed away from them and let me deal with this, but apparently our parents had decided it was better if my brother and I stayed close so we could watch each other. Well, more so he could watch me, because he wasn't going to do something wrong to besmudge the nobel house of Black..

'I'm sweating on places I didn't even know I had,' I told Severus Snape. He grimaced at me and shook his head. He, apparently, was too cut up in the moment. This was an important moment, right. I sighed deeply and stood up straight again, probably looking like a coat rack myself, now. I put a strand of my thick black hair behind my ear and tried to "behave" — as my father had commanded me like I was his dog. When one of the ministry officials came walking on to the stage to explain the procedure before giving the word to our headmaster — Albus Dumbledore — I suddenly heard a fit of giggles. I spun around to see where it had came from, anything to distract me from this utterly boring speech. A red headed girl had just punched her dark haired boyfriend against the shoulder trying to hold back her laughter. I couldn't make out what the joke had been about, but I could see the two other boys next to the dark haired boy laughing as well. James Potter and his girlfriend Lily Evans were probably about the most populair couple at school. I mean she had hated him for six years, even though he had sang her a ballad every February, so how could that not have been world news when they had started going out all of the sudden. The boys standing next to them were Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. I looked at them with a sort of awe. That were the boys you wanted to be friends with. A pang of jealousy stang me when they laughed again. They looked like they were having an amazing time and here I stood between my "friends" that only cared about "family tradition".

My eyes flicked to the sand haired boy: Remus Lupin. I bit my lip and felt I even grew more hot — but definitely not because the clouds had drifted and the sun was now shining directly upon us. There were few boys I wanted as much as that boy. I had gotten him, once. It had been on a very late and drunk night after an amazing school party. I had decided I was hungry and had gone down to the kitchens, where I had found him with a mug of steaming tea and chocolate. We had laughed a lot and shared a passionate kiss in the hallways after. He hadn't spoken to me ever since. I didn't think he was okay with himself being into boys, just like my parents had never been either. It was just a fase, they said and I'm pretty sure that was what Remus Lupin told himself as well, every time his mind traveled back to that night. Only he did not know that every time I caught his hungry gazes, I longed even more for his lips on mine once again.

/Happy late new year!


	5. Grace - One (2)

**F** or a moment our gazes locked together and my breath got caught in my throat. The sand haired boy had looked around and his laughing face was now upon mine. However, when he saw I was looking at him, his expression changed. His laugh faded, but not completely. He seemed out of breath as he looked at me — just like me probably — but the ghost of a smile still lingered around his pale lips. It felt a lot longer, but it was probably only a few seconds later that he looked away. I quickly returned my gaze to the front and tried my best to direct my attention towards the ministry official. However, this time it was even harder to focus. I didn't even feel the sun burn anymore, I just felt him. That, until I suddenly got pulled out of my thoughts by loud applause as Albus Dumbledore proceeded to the stage. _Right, Black, pay attention now. You can't crave a boy you won't get and remember your motto: "boys are toys". Every toy looses your interest after a while and this one will too._ I managed — with a lot of effort — to return my attention to the speaker with the long beard and the half-moon spectacles that had claimed the viewers notice now. At first it seemed hard, but since this speech was a lot less dull, I could direct my mind away from the intriguing boy.  
'Welcome graduators of Hogwarts, other students, parents, friends and family to this wonderful day in June. Today we will present all of these marvelous wizards with a diploma for their remarkable achievements! After today they will each follow their own path into their future. As headmaster I haven't been in direct contact with everyone of them, but I have monitored them and I hope I have been able to make their time at school pleasant, enjoyable and instructive. I wish all of you the best in your future and especially hope that these dark times will pass over soon,' he exclaimed to the crowd. I knew exactly what he meant with "dark times", but I didn't like hearing it and I could see by the sour expression on my mother's face, she didn't either. Though, I was pretty sure she disliked hearing it for different reasons. In her opinion the rise of the Dark Lord was a bless to the world, these weren't dark times at all. In my opinion the rise of the Dark Lord meant I had to join him and I had to pledge allegiance to someone who made me rethink everything I knew about good and bad. I swallowed and looked down at my shoes. My finger immediately clasped around my wrist and I wished for Dumbledore to break his moment of silence. 'I hope you will all consider what you want to fight for and hope you will choose for the ones you love and the morals you stand for. I wish you all the best of luck, because I know everyone is able to do good.' Again, silence fell and I was pretty sure Dumbledore knew the effect of these silences. This time it took even longer for him to continue, but when he continued it was to end his speech. 'Before I am going to call forward those who have completed their education and have earned their diploma, I first want to call upon Remus Lupin, who has prepared a speech for us.'  
I blinked. I knew Lupin was one of the top students, but I hadn't expected him being the one to speech. I looked at the boy who had a slightly nervous air around him as he stepped out of line and walked onto the stage. He was very tall — slightly taller than me, I knew that from experience. He had a slender body. Normally I liked boys with good bodies and a lot of muscle, but he was very charming in an unconditional kind of way. His hair was a light colour of brown a bit like sand mixed with honey and his eyes were a beautiful green. A bright, mossy colour that I still dreamt about. As he turned around to the public and gave them a nervous smile, my mouth felt dry. The way the sunlight hit his hair and reflected the light colors of brown and the way his sleeves were only slightly to short, took my breath away. I didn't understand how a boy I barely knew could influence me so much. I dreamy smile touched my lips. When he spoke I had to be careful not to lean forward too much and drool all over myself.  
'Dear fellow students and teachers,' he spoke, his voice trembled slightly from nerves, but he seemed to be able to pull himself together after a few seconds and went on. 'When I came to this school — quite unexpected — I had expected it would be seven rather lonely years. How wrong I was. I was directly sorted into a house and got the pleasure to spent seven years with the best crowd of people I've ever known. It seems like only yesterday when I stepped onto the Hogwarts train, but suddenly we've all grown up… or sort off.' Laughter sounded and Lupin smiled. 'I am curious to see the paths we will all take, but I am mostly proud that all of you are here with me today. I will miss this school — and I think I speak for a lot of you — but this school has felt as a home for me.' A lump formed in my throat as I listened to the boy and my face fell. All of the sudden I realized that indeed I would be going to miss Hogwarts. It had indeed been a home to me and I had never really had a proper one. I looked down at my hands and swallowed. 'However, I am sure that — even though the future is scary — we will all find our paths and find a new home, create a new home. Maybe somewhere else, maybe with someone else or maybe after a few years we will return here… to pass our experiences on.' He smiled like he seemed to enjoy that idea. I was sure he would be great as a teacher. The image came easily to me. Lupin in his robes, standing in front of a class. 'But for now, I would like to wish you all the best of luck. I hope I will see you all soon and…,' while saying these words, he caught my eyes. 'Choose your own path, the one that makes you feel happy and not the one you are ought to follow.' His eyes flicked away from mine, but for a moment it had felt like he was speaking to me directly.


	6. Grace - One (3)

'Now we've had the cliche speech, I think we can go on with the usual procedure,' Lupin sniggered and the crowd laughed as he stepped down and Dumbledore returned to the stage. He was charming. No one could deny that. He had had the crowd wrapped around his finger while speaking and that was a talent not a lot of people had. It seemed to come easily to him and he probably didn't even notice.

'Thank you for those kind and inspirational words,' Dumbledore spoke. He then conjured a pile of parchment out of thin air and caught hold of them. 'And now, lets proceed to the more formal step. If I call your name, please step forward so I can hand you your diploma that you will sign and we will congratulate you,' he said with a gentle smile. When he said "we", he gestured to the four heads of houses and the ministry officials who had now taken the stage as well. I was still rather unnerved by Lupin's words, but I managed to direct my attention to the stage. Dumbledore started naming students one by one. I knew I would be named fairly quickly, since B came second in the alphabet. 'Avery, Allan,' he spoke and the boy next to me stirred. He stepped onto the stage, took his diploma — which he signed — and his congratulations and walked over to the other side of the stage where we were to gather for a picture. Next up was _Archer, Nova_ , a Hufflepuff I had only once talked to in my entire school career, but I supposed she was okay. I mostly remembered her name because my name always came after hers. 'Black, Sirius,' Dumbledore spoke as expected and I got up. He handed me the bit of parchment and smiled at me when he congratulated me and wished me the best in the world. I quickly signed the parchment with my curly signature, thanked him and stepped towards the heads of houses. They all shook my hand and gave me the standard "congratulations, Black", except for Horace Slughorn. He thanked me for the past seven years and wished me the best in the world. He told me to write to him, because he was sure I was going to make it far in the wizarding world. I only thanked him halfheartedly. I took my place next to Allan and watched the others being called forward. 'Carrow, Cedric… Catchlove, Greta… Clermont, Jonathan.' I had once flown against him in a Quidditch match and broken his wrist with my beater's bat. 'Evans, Lily.' She got praised into the skies by all the heads of houses and by Dumbledore, which was to be suspected, since she was exceptionally bright. I hadn't quite figured out yet if I liked her. 'Hughes, Caleb.' He was another Slytherin and also a friend of Allan and Isak. 'Lajila, Lancaster… Remus Lupin.'

My gaze locked on him as he strolled over to the front, got his diploma and walked over to this side of the stage. Unconsciously, I hoped he would come and stand beside me, but since Allan and Caleb had taken the places on my left and right sight, he wouldn't even be able to. He took place besides Nova Archer and Lajila Lancaster — who was a Ravenclaw girl. I supposed he wasn't really fond of standing next to those _evil_ Slytherins. I sighed and looked away from him to where the ceremony was still continuing. Mary Macdonald, Gwendolyn March and Dorcas Meadows had now been called forward. All three of them were Lily's friends and Gwendolyn March had been my girlfriend in the fourth year. We hadn't spoken since she had caught me kissing Axel Sutherland, a Ravenclaw boy. That hadn't been one of my finest moments. 'Mulciber, Isak… O'Donnell, Jason… Pettigrew, Peter.' I kind of tuned out after that. I heard _Potter, James_ and the Prewetts being called forward. After _Romanova, Adalae_ , the list of names came soon to an end and there we stood, packed together. There was only one last part to the ceremony: picture time. It took fifteen long and sweaty minutes before we had finally gotten it, but after that the crowd cheered and applauded and everyone scattered off to their families. I walked over to my parents rather reluctantly. Regulus congratulated me first and after that I got a stiff hand from both my father and my mother. They were such warm and lovely people. I thanked them. My father didn't mention the motorbike, but I knew that that meant I had earned it. Otherwise he would have rubbed it in my face that I had not been a "good boy".

'I'm going over to my friends,' I said. 'There will be a party tonight in the Great Hall so I will go there and then return to London by train tomorrow.' My mother nodded stiffly.

'Behave yourself then,' my father said. I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes and decided not to respond to his comment.

'See you later, Regs,' I said. I spun around and walked away to where my friends were huddled together. A few yards away from them were Lupin and his clan. The difference between the two groups was almost painful to watch. Lupin's group was laughing and hugging. Some of them even seemed emotional about the fact that they had to leave each other and Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald were laughing and crying at the same time while they hugged. My friends didn't smile or hug. They just stood in a close group, whispering in low voices. They looked rather serious and I felt reluctant to join them. I knew however, that I had no choice, because I could still feel my parents' eyes burn holes into my back. As I joined them, I didn't bother to say hi. I just leaned against the castle wall and tried to listen in on their conversation that was most likely about something boring. As I stood there, I suddenly saw someone else gazing at me. Lupin had looked over his shoulder and our eyes met for the second time today. This time, he smiled. In a few seconds I had made my decision. My parents seemed to be too busy with the Averys so I took my chance. I strolled over to Lupin without a backwards glance at my friends and stopped right in front of him.

'Congratulations,' I spoke and a lazy grin spread across my face.


	7. Grace - One (4)

He blinked and looked at me, astonished. I saw Potter look at me and frowning, his face full with disapproval. I was pretty sure Lupin hadn't told him about us. I was also pretty sure Potter did not like me being here. However, I wasn't known for letting that stop me. I smirked and folded my arms, challenging Potter to say something about it. He didn't. He turned back to Evans, but not without giving sideway glances every now and than.

'You too.' My attention flickered back to Lupin. He looked tense and I did not feel at all welcome. I was used to that, but it made me have to reconsider my strategy. Not that I had one. I leaned my weight on my other foot and automatically put my hand through my black hair.

'Are you going to the party?' I asked. Lupin looked at Potter as if that would give him the answer, but Potter seemed to have forgotten all about him. He was now drooling over Evans once more. Eventually, Lupin turned back to me. He looked uncomfortable. His green eyes were big and his brows were furrowed into a frown.

'I think so, yes,' he said after a fairly long silence. A smile lit up my face. Not the smirk I usually carried, but a genuine and contagious smile. Lupin flushed. 'Are you going?' he asked, but it seemed he was rather asking it to break the tension than really out of interest. I studied him and wondered what was going on inside him. I was pretty sure he was remembering the night after the last party, since his cheeks grew an even darker shade of red.

'Yes, I am going to,' I said. I paused. 'I was wondering if you..-' 'Come on Moony, lets go. We need to get ready for the party,' Potter interrupted. He put his arm around Lupin and started to steer him away. Mid-turn he stopped and looked at me.

'If you lack attention, Black, go snog Snivellus… you faggot,' he spat. I pulled up an eyebrow and automatically, my hand flew to my wand. I wasn't going to let anyone call me a "faggot" — even though it was true — and especially not Potter.

'Excuse me, but I-.' Again, I was interrupted. This time it was by Lupin.

'Come on Prongs, lets just go,' he muttered. It was obvious he had meant Potter with "Prongs", but for a moment I wondered what was up with the weird nicknames. Potter gave me a nasty look and turned around. The group of Gryffindors started to walk away from me, but Lupin looked over his shoulders one last time. The look he gave me seemed almost pitying. I didn't return it. Angrily I turned around and stormed off, back to my own friends. Severus was waiting for me, looking suspicious.

'What were you doing with Potter?' he asked, accusing.

'Telling him what an arrogant git he is,' I said, forcing myself to smirk. Severus grinned back, looking like he had as much difficulty as me with putting on a good face. I looked away in the direction of Lupin and Potter. The two of them were having a heated discussion and based on the looks directed my way, I was able to guess who they were talking about.

My mood had dropped completely. I had looked forward to the party for quite a while, but now I was here, I just wanted to go home. I had just bought a small apartment in London. My uncle Alphard had left me quite a bit of money. Even though my parents didn't really approve of me moving out, I was now old enough to do so. I was going to move everything after the graduation party and from then I was planning on joining His forces. I had been looking at jobs that would suit me, but except for becoming an "auror", nothing really seemed to interest me. The problem with being an auror, however, was that it meant catching dark wizards. I would have to lock myself up in Azkaban as soon as I started, which was rather inconvenient.

I sighed and leaned with my head against the wall. I had avoided my friends, because for one night I didn't want to discus evil plans and bully other students with dark magic. It wasn't like I had ever enjoyed doing that, it was just that tonight I absolutely loathed it, but I guess that had more to do with my mood than with anything else. I closed my eyes and stifled a yawn. I wanted to rub my eyes, but remembered I was wearing mascara and a bit of eyeliner. I didn't want to smudge that and look like a panda. When I opened my eyes, I slowly got up and walked over to the bar. I ordered two fire whiskeys and thanked the bartender with a sly smile. One of my glasses was already empty before I reached my seat again, but when I wanted to finish the second one, I was disturbed. In front of me stood no other than Remus Lupin, in his suit, complete with tie and a small flower in his front pocket. My eyes darted to the flower there and I pulled up one eyebrow. I did not speak to him and turned my gaze back to my glass, which I then shotted.

'Excuse me,' I said when I got up. 'I need to get a drink.' When I wanted to pass the other boy, he stopped me. I frowned at him. 'What do you want? Do you want to tell me I should go snog "Snivellus", just like that arrogant friend of you told me? Or are you here to call me a faggot, because that would be a bit hypocritical.' I wanted to walk away from him again, but staggered. Maybe I had had a bit too many drinks. As I lost my balance, I could see the floor coming closer, but before my pretty face could collide with the floor of the Great Hall, someone grabbed me. Lupin pulled me up, carrying a worried expression on his face. I managed to regain my balance and shook his hands off me. I glowered at him.

'Sirius…,' he muttered. 'I am sorry for James, he did not mean that and…' 'Don't call me "Sirius", you can call me Black, that's how all my non-friends call me and you are not my friend.' Remus looked taken aback, but he got himself together rather quickly.

'I'm sorry, alright? I… well… I am sorry I…kissed,' the last word he whispered so softly, I barely heard it…, '—you and… ignored you after that.' A bark of laughter left my throat and I looked at him in mock surprise. When I saw he was looking serious, my face fell.

'Go away Lupin, I am not interested in guys who pretend they are something else than they really are, just because they think they will be accepted better that way.' Lupin looked lost for words momentarily. It was like he had expected me to accept his apology and take him away on my white horse into the sunset.

'You're one to talk,' he muttered eventually and he looked me into the eyes. Realization dawned on me and a rush of anger and sadness swelled up in me, increased by the large amount of alcohol in my body. The feelings weren't particularly directed towards him, more to myself, but that didn't stop me from taking it out on him.


	8. Grace - One (5)

I think he realized I was about to hit him, because he grabbed both my hands and thereby almost pushed himself up against me. He looked at me and shook his head. First he looked stern, but that expression soon changed to sadness. It seemed like he pitied me. Anger was still swirling inside of me, but his sudden change of expression had caught me off guard. I looked at him slightly puzzled. Our bodies were close and I was almost sure he could feel my racing heart thump against his chest. He didn't let go of my wrists and he didn't step back. The control he usually held, was slipping for the second time around me I realized. His breathing became heavier, but he forced himself to let go. He then looked around and I was pretty sure he was checking to see if anyone had seen us. Just like his feelings had changed and he had lost his control, I did too. My anger turned into lust and this time it was me who grabbed his wrists. I dragged him into the hallways. It seemed like he wanted to resist, but I left him no chance. As soon as we were alone, I pressed him against the wall. I would have just kissed him in the middle of The Great Hall, but I had some sense in me. I knew that would destroy him. I didn't immediately press my lips on his, though. I leaned forward and looked him directly into the eyes. My hand traveled to his hair and I twirled it around my finger. One hand lingered on his lower back. I could feel the soft strokes of breath that left his mouth against my lips and I leaned a bit further to him. His chest was heaving, he didn't struggle, but he also didn't come towards me. I did, however, see the longing I felt, reflected in his eyes. As soon as I realized that, I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips on his. It felt the same like last time, no wait, better even. The last time I hadn't longed so badly for his kiss. I had noticed him, yes, but I had only been attracted to his looks. Now I wasn't only attracted to his looks, but to him completely. Right at this moment, he seemed extremely hot and sexy, but I knew it was only a matter of time before I got bored of him. I knew how I worked. For only a small second I wondered if that was fair to him, but then he kissed me back and every thought got driven from my brain. His arms now wrapped around me and pulled me closer. I loved the fact that he was taller than me, I had never kissed someone who was taller than me.

We kissed for a while and then both pulled back to gasp for air. I leaned my forehead against his and studied his face. I had of course noticed the scars on his face, but from up close they were even more manicing. I bit my lip and trailed my finger from his hair to the rough skin on his face. He flinched as I touched the scars and pushed me away in shock. He shook his head and it only now seemed to dawn on him what had happened. He almost stumbled when he tried to back away.

'Don't go,' I almost begged. Something in my voice seemed to startle him. I, again, saw the same longing in his eyes as I had before, but this time he forced himself not to oblige. 'Please…if you really meant what you said earlier… about how you were sorry for ignoring me after our last kiss then you will stay.' I looked at him, pleadingly. I was still out of breath, just like him. Our chests heaved in the same, rapid rhythm.

'I meant I was sorry for kissing you,' he then said, 'not that I was sorry for ignoring you. It just shouldn't have happened, just like this.' His voice sounded uncharacteristically harsh. I swallowed and for one in my life I didn't have a retort ready. I just looked at him with a sad expression. After a few seconds, in which neither of us had moved, I pushed myself away from the wall and walked over to him. I grabbed his jacket, pulled him towards me and gave him a world chattering kiss. I didn't kiss him gently like the one before, but I kissed him rough. A kiss filled with longing for him. I left him breathless when I pulled away and looked at him fiercely.

'If that didn't do anything to you and you don't want to be kissed like that, walk away and I won't bother you again. If it dit, kiss me again and I will make sure you won't regret a second of it.' I stepped back and folded my arms over each other. I could see the mental battle going on inside of him. Most of the time he looked smaller than he was, because he walked a bit hunched. When he had spat at me, he seemed to grow in length, but now? He looked smaller than ever. I felt sorry for him. I knew how hard it was for him to challenge everything about yourself, you and others had ever believed, but I also knew that he couldn't lock up his true feelings. He didn't need to be in love with me, but he did need to stop pretending he wasn't interested in guys. If I could give him that, I could leave him in peace and we could go our separate ways. However, when I thought that, a small voice inside of me, told me that wasn't true. Somewhere deep down I knew I had never fallen head over heels for any guys like I had for him from the start. I pushed my own feelings away and looked at him intently. He still hadn't moved and I was still waiting for him to make a choice. My heart skipped a beat when he moved forward to me and I waited for him to take me and press his lips on mine, but he stopped halfway through. I could see something flicker inside of his eyes, it wasn't lust this time, it was fear. I was about to open my mouth and tell him it was going to be okay, but before I could do that, he had already made his decision. He turned around and walked away from me. I just stood there, startled and hurt. In that moment I wondered what on earth the sorting hat had thought, when he had placed that coward in Gryffindor, not for a moment wonder if there could be something else that was holding him back.


	9. Grace - Two (1)

**GRACE • • • TWO**

 _goodbyes that turned out to be hellos_

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and stretched. I bowed down and grabbed one of the boxes that were stacked in my room. With my eyes only half open, I started walking down the dim hallway. I yawned. I had never really enjoyed living in this house. It was much too dark for me and too gruesome. You got used to it, but now that I was about to move into a light apartment with gigantic windows, this felt like a dark hole. Suddenly I felt the box tug and I loosened my grip from the small shock. The box didn't drop, but it just flew out of my hands. My dad stood in front of me, with his wand in his hand. He had made sure all the boxes flew down out of my room and started to go downstairs.

'You are a wizard, Sirius, use your abilities,' he said in a cold voice.

'I wanted to carry it so it couldn't hit something and break,' I snapped back and looked at the floating boxes with my eyes squeezed shut. The box I was carrying had contained all my glass and fragile objects. My father didn't even look at me and just made the floating boxes go down the stairs, walking after them. I looked over my shoulder to my room, which was rather empty except for the posters on the wall that I had put on with long lasting sticking charms. I felt more sentimental than I had expected and for a moment it was hard for me to turn around and walk away, but then I felt stupid. I forced myself and started walking. I was going to enter a new part of my life, on my own. Yeah, that didn't make me feel much better. I hated to be alone. I had sometimes wished I could share the apartment with anyone, but my friends all preferred to stay at home. I finally walked after my father downstairs and grabbed my coat from the coat rack. I put it on and could just see my dad packing the boxes into a bag on the back of my motorcycle. I had put an enlargement charm on it, so it easily fitted. I felt a proud feeling warm my chest when I saw the motor standing in front of me. It was a black racing type and it was brand new. Of course, I would have to make some adjustments so the bike could do more than only drive, but I had gotten it and that was what mattered now. I zipped my leather jacket and turned around to my family. They had all come to stand outside. Regulus looked rather sad. I had proposed him to help me unpack, but he had said he had something else to do. I could imagine what sort of thing was more important than seeing your older brother off.

'Ehm… bye… mom, dad,' I mumbled. 'See you later I guess, I will send a message when I arrive,' I said, though at that moment I realized I didn't have a owl of any of that sort so I wasn't even able to. It was going to be some getting used to that I wasn't at Hogwarts or at home. I would have to cook for myself and all other sorts of difficult stuff. Regulus walked forward and at first I thought he was going to help me anyways, but then, he hugged me. Regulus was just a few inches smaller, but I was pretty sure he was going to grow past me and I didn't like that at all. He had always been my younger and little brother. I hugged back in surprise, but I felt very relieved that at least someone here would really miss me. My parents wouldn't for sure or they were doing a very good job at concealing it.

'I'll see you around, Regs,' I told him. 'Just don't do anything stupid, okay? Don't get yourself killed.' Normally I would have said this while laughing and joking, but right now there wasn't even a small smile perched on my lips. I was completely serious. Regulus looked up at me and nodded slowly.

'You too,' he said mumbling and I swear I could see a small tear in the corner of his eyes. An immensely sad feeling rushed over me. I didn't want to see him cry. A lump formed in my throat and I nodded. I turned my back before I got emotional myself and sat down on my motor. I put on the helmet, waved at them and then drove away. The wind swept against the helmet and in a few seconds, Grimmauld Place 12 had completely disappeared. It wasn't a very long drive. It was on the other side of town, rather close to the city centre. I drove through London and looked around, feeling rather cool and pleased with myself. I hadn't forgotten the tears in Regulus' eyes, but I was doing a really good job at trying to forget it. I didn't want to feel sad and besides, my parents were a lot better to that perfect brother of mine than they had been to me. He would be safe, they wouldn't let him get hurt. I realized that was the only thing I had ever felt grateful towards them for, except maybe for this motorcycle. It was bloody amazing. A laugh left my mouth as I turned a sharp corner and the long black hair that wasn't stocked under my helmet swooped. I would have loved for it to last longer, but I was at my new house in no time. I stopped my motor and looked up. It was a small flat with several apartments. Down here, I had my own garage, it wasn't that big, but it was perfect for my motor cycle. I searched for the keys in the pockets off my jeans and opened the dark blue garage door. It was still completely empty. I parked my motor inside and then closed the door behind me. There was a door to the stairwell in here and this time I couldn't carry my boxes up with magic. Though this time I would have loved that since I had to walk up six stairs to get to my apartment on the third floor. There was no lift, unfortunately. I sighed deep and started the climb upstairs.


	10. Grace - Two (2)

Unfortunately I could only carry two boxes at once. I had to walk up and down about five times and when I walked upstairs with my last box, I had to avoid walking straight into someone who had just backed out of one of the doors. We both turned around at the same time and also froze at the same time. I blinked. Damm it.

'You.' His voice was rather harsh, as if I were a dirty thing he had found underneath his shoe after a walk outside. I wanted to make the same retort when the voice of a woman sounded from behind him.

'James, can you also bring my bag? It's still in the car.' Potter looked over his shoulder at his red haired girlfriend. For a moment I doubted if I should just run upstairs, but I didn't want to look like a pussy, so I just stood there, looking like an idiot.

'Yeah sure,' he told her and then told to me. 'Can you please move aside? You're blocking our pathway,' he said. 'And we just cleaned, so I don't want everything to be _filthy_ again.' Auch.

'I'm sorry, _princess_ ,' I growled at him. 'Please,' I said and I stepped aside. He glared at me as he stepped past me, but hadn't noticed the foot that I had just stuck out. A bark of laughter escaped my mouth as he tripped and while I sprinted up the stairs, I just caught a glance from the inside of their flat. I almost tripped myself when I saw Lupin standing alongside Evans with a big box in his hand. I was pretty sure he had seen me as well and the smile disappeared from my face. I stopped running when I was up two stairs above them and I walked on to my own flat. I heard James' curses, but they went completely past me as I opened the door and pushed it in it's lock. Great. Now he was suddenly everywhere? Just when I did not want to see him? I threw the box down on my bed and looked around the room. Most of the furniture had already been moved here the day before. It was now a matter of unpacking all of my stuff. I didn't feel like doing that, however. So I just opened the box with kitchen stuff and took out the new teakettle I had bought. I filled it with water and put it on the stove. I then leaned over and grabbed a mug from out between the other stuff. It still had it's paper wrapped around it, because it had only been bought yesterday. I threw the paper on the floor and dropped down on the chair at the kitchen table. Lupin had been on my mind a lot since the "thing" that happened after the party. When he had not kissed me back and just left, I had done the same thing. I had spent most of the night in the kitchens with tea, alcohol and too many snacks. It was one of the places I liked to go to when I felt especially shitty. I sighed and tapped on the wooden table as I waited. Only when the teakettle started to sing, I realized I didn't even have tea. A deep sigh left my mouth, but I didn't feel like coming out of my apartment. I was pretty sure I would walk into either Potter or Lupin. That wasn't something I was looking forward to. I would have to wait for a bit. So, instead I just drank the hot water while slowly unpacking my kitchen things. I hadn't bought that much and I probably missed about half of it, but I would probably be able to make a sandwich which was fine with me. I couldn't even cook anyways.

Just as I'd started on my second box, I heard a knock on the door. I froze. I wondered if the person would believe it if I acted like I wasn't home. A second knock. I turned around and doubtfully walked over to the wooden door. If it was Lupin I would definitly slam the door in his face. I didn't have time for any more stupid games with that guy as long as he didn't know what he wanted. When I opened the door it wasn't Lupin, to my surprise. It was Lily Evans and she looked at me with such a sweet and broad smile, that I couldn't be anything else than suspicious. I cocked my head slightly and leaned against the doorpost, not even bothering to ask her what she wanted.

'Hey, Sirius Black is it, right?' she asked. I nodded, as if she didn't know. 'Would you like to join us for a cup of tea? We will invite the other neighbors over as well, but it seemed like a great opportunity to get to know one another.' Her smile didn't fade for even one second and for a moment I wondered if she might just be sincere. She gave me a second to think it over, but when I saw Potter talking to an older woman — who was probably one of my new neighbors as well — I figured I had no choice. I didn't want to make the impression of a grumpy hermit, because I wasn't. I was a very extravert and social person. Just not when I had to deal with stupid and arrogant Gryffindors. Lily seemed fine though, she wasn't as bad as Potter, I supposed, she just had a rather awful taste in men.

'Yeah, alright,' I then said. I stuffed my keys into the back pocket of my black skinny jeans and closed the door behind me. I gave her a very fake but very cheery looking smile. 'It's not like I have anything better to do.' She seemed to think my sarcastic tone was funny and laughed. She beckoned me and skipped down the stairs. I followed her, slightly resentful.

'Ah, you must be the new one living upstairs,' the woman said. I now saw she looked rather older than I had expected. She was assumedly a middle-aged woman, but the grey in her hair made her look that much older. She had a kind smile and seemed like the typical sweet grandmother that would bake cookies and buy you presents, only slightly younger. I wanted to introduce myself to her by offering her my right hand, but she immediately hugged me, which surprised me. I wasn't used to being hugged. I didn't hug any of my friends. I didn't hug any of my family. She didn't seem to notice how startled I was. Evans did, however. She smiled at me. 'I am Madelea Rimms,' she said cheerily. 'Did you already meet James and Lily? They are awfully nice.' She had a thick British accent that told me she had been living in London for quite a while, probably her entire life.

'Sirius Black, m'am and yes. I uh… know them from school,' I told her. She laughed happily as if this made everything much better and exclaimed we should all have tea and cookies and a good talk. I was almost pushed inside and did my very best to avoid Remus' gaze as I sat down at Lily and James' table.


	11. Grace - Two (3)

I wasn't really an awkward person, because making conversation came rather easy to me. Most of the time, I talked a lot and other people listened. I was fine with that, because to be honest, I liked hearing myself talk. On this occasion, however, I felt as awkward as I had ever been. Lupin sat opposite me and his eyes were fixed on his cup of tea. Besides us, Potter and Evans were talking animatedly to three of our neighbors — the others hadn't been home or something — and didn't seem to notice my change in behavior. I guess that was because they just didn't know me all that well. I wished I could get away. I hated feeling awkward, but I just didn't want to start small talk with my new neighbors right now and I especially did not want to talk to Lupin. He had made me clear what he wanted and well, whatever, it wasn't like he was that special. I looked at him for only one second and cursed myself when I felt my cheeks heathen. Great. I looked down again. My black painted nails were wrapped around my steaming mug. I blew the surface of the tea and steam clouded my eyesight for several seconds.

'Why do you wear make-up?' a soft voice sounded. I looked up. It had been the small boy that always ran after Potter and Lupin. Right. He was here too. To be honest, I had barely taken notice of him.

'Uhm… because I like it… I guess,' I muttered. I felt rather self-conscious, because the conversation on the other side of the table had finished and now everyone was looking at me.

'Isn't that like a _girl_ thing?' Potter sneered. Evans shot him a look and right she was, because his tone had sounded anything but nice. I shrugged.

'I could ask you the same thing: why do you act like an arrogant git? But I suppose everyone has things they enjoy doing.' I shrugged again and took my mug for a sip of tea. I heard several snorts from around the table. Potter scoffed. I grinned against the porcelain of my mug and put it down, looking rather smug.

'There is nothing wrong with it, right?' I froze and looked up at Lupin, was he going to defend me now? He was looking at Potter with a calm expression. There it was again: that endless ability to say the right things and get everyone to listen eagerly. 'I mean,' he put down the mug he was holding, 'Sirius just expresses himself in that way, while you might express yourself in Quidditch and I would in reading novels.' I expressed myself in make-up? Damm, that sounded shallow. It was not like I was some badass make-up artist or anything. 'Besides,' he went on, 'it's not fair to judge people only on what little things you know about them or… on what they are.' Everyone remained silent, until Potter eventually said: 'Ye..a,' he cleared his throat, 'yeah.' I noticed that the expression he was wearing looked almost… guilty? I frowned and looked up at Lupin who gave him a sympathetic look. Okay, that was my cue. I got up.

'I have to go,' I announced.

'Already?' Evans sad and she actually looked rather disappointed. I almost felt guilty. Almost. I walked over to her and wanted to shake her hand, but as before with Madalea, she hugged me. I wasn't sure what to think of it, but I carefully hugged her back. She looked at me with a smile and ruffled my hair.

'Hey, just because your baby boyfriend allows you to touch his hair, doesn't mean I do,' I said. She looked at me and then laughed, pushing me softly.

'Oh shut it Black, we all know you like some attention. Don't pretend all tough.' I gave her a wicked grin and turned around to wave at the table. I noticed Potter looked especially murderous and that made my day. I also noticed that Lupin had gotten up as well.

'I am going as well. I still have to unpack my own stuff,' he said and smiled at everyone. He started hugging everyone and I wasn't sure if I could just walk out right now. I felt awkward. Again. Damm it.

'Be safe, Remus,' Evans said and she kissed him on the cheek. Potter didn't look angry when she did that, but apparently that was something normal in their little gang. Once again, I felt like a complete outsider. Lupin promised Evans he would and took his coat. I walked to the door and opened it, mumbling a soft goodbye. I stepped into the hallway. Lupin closed the door behind us and once again, I found myself alone with Lupin, only this time I was the one eager to leave.

'Well, see you later then,' I said and made way to the stairs. I felt a hand close around my wrist and bit my lip. I had hoped he would just let me go and let this go, but this was Remus Lupin we were talking about. I didn't turn around, but he made me turn around and looked at me. A mix of feelings showed on his face, but most pronounced were regret and guilt.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. I shook my head and pulled my hand away.

'I don't want to talk about it. You made your choice,' I said. I wanted to sound harsh, but my voice sounded sad instead, and hurt. I turned around and walked up the stairs, but Lupin followed me and stood in front of me so I couldn't pass. It felt a bit like we were in some kind of musical, if this situation was anything near funny I would have just asked him when he was going to start singing Tonight. That was the song with the stairs, right? I looked at him and sighed. I wanted to push past him, but he stopped me.

'Sirius, please,' he said, 'can't you give me another chance?'

'For what?' I snapped at him. 'You aren't gay right? You don't like men? You are super straight and you don't want to look like a fool by dating an evil Slytherin.' He looked taken aback and I realized that this time, my voice had sounded harsh.


	12. Grace - Two (4)

His expression was sad, but also worried and I couldn't really understand why. I looked at him, breathing rather heavily. His green eyes stood gentle and he carefully took a step forward. I didn't move. I didn't speak. I just looked at him. He seemed like he did want to speak. I could see him searching for words, but just like with me, no sound left his mouth. Eventually he sighed and closed his arms around me. This was the third time I got hugged, completely to my surprise, but no hug before had felt this good. This safe. I hugged him back and buried my face in his neck. I closed my eyes. He sighed again.

'Damm it,' I muttered. Did Lupin just curse? 'Can you please stop doing that?' he muttered. I let him go and looked at him, surprised.

'Do what?' I asked, still wondering.

'Blow me off my feet,' he admitted softly. I laughed and looked at him with my head tilted to the side.

'Sorry, I can't, it's sort of a habit,' I grinned. He laughed as well and shook his head. 'So...,' I said and leaned against the railing 'will you finally let me take you out on a date.' He suddenly looked a lot more cheery than he had five minutes before. I kind of did like to see him worry, but not for any other reason than that it meant he cared about me.

'Fine, fine,' he said, trying to look falsely resentful. I smiled. 'Tomorrow at the chocolate waffle bar in town. Three 'o clock,' he told me. I frowned, a bit surprised at this specific choice, but nodded anyways.

'Alright,' I said. 'See you then, Lupin.' He made a face at hearing his surname and I smirked.

'See you then, Black,' he teased. He was about to turn away, but turned back almost immediately. 'Oh and Sirius, you're not evil because you are a Slytherin, your house doesn't define you. Just because everyone says Slytherins are bad news, doesn't mean you are,' he said, 'I don't believe you are.' He left me with those words. The cheery feeling our date planning had left, disappearing. He had no idea. I swallowed and then slowly walked back to my apartment. I sat down on my bed and stared in front of me. After a while I carefully rolled up my sleeve. I looked on the mark burned into my skin and carefully touched my wrist, not to call him, but to feel the strange, moving tattoo. It would burn if we were called, he had told us that, but it hadn't happened yet. Though I feared for it. I quickly pulled the sleeve down to hide the mark. This was what was right. This was what my family wanted. This was what I wanted, if I acted like it. I got up and busied myself with unpacking. Eventually, I fell asleep on my bed around three am between a stack of boxes, with my clothes still on.

When I woke up I had to wipe the drool off my chin and untangle myself from my clothes and sheets. Charming, Sirius. I got up sleepily and walked over to the shower, dumping my clothes from yesterday in a corner. I would need to clean everything, but that, I would do another time. I stepped under the hot shower and closed my eyes. Slowly the sleep drained out of me and memories of yesterday came back to me. Mid-shampooing my hair, I froze. I opened the the shower curtain and peered around the doorway into the living room. A relieved sigh left my mouth when I saw it was just past twelve. I still had enough time. However, when the fear of being too late had passed and I went back to washing my hair, a feeling of nervous nausea came over me. I tried to steer my thoughts away from the date. I was Sirius Black and I was cool. I got a hand through my hair and washed out the soap. I caught myself humming a song and grinned slightly. I was home alone now, no one would hear me. That was certainly a pro of living on my own. I opened my mouth and the first awful sounds of the even more awful song rang through the small bathroom.

'I'm too sexy for my shirt! Too sexy for my shirt! So sexy it hurts,' I sang at the top of my voice. I shook my hips while starting to wash my body. 'And I'm too sexy for Milan! Too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan! I'm too sexy for your party! Too sexy for your party! No way I'm disco dancing!' I continued singing as I got out of the shower and put on some underwear. I still had a few hours to get ready and to make myself look so extremely hot he would drool all over me. I looked at my own handsome face in the mirror and as I blow dried my hair my voice was still audible above the loud sounds. 'I'm a model, you know what I mean and I do my little turn on the catwalk! Yeah, on the catwalk. On the catwalk, yeah! I shake my little tush on the catwalk!' I sang while shaking my butt left and right and dancing and jumping on the spot. Singing loudly, I skipped towards the kitchen and cleaned some boxes out of the way. I then realized once more that I still had to get groceries. I ignored the fact that my small apartment was a mess and put on some black pants and a shirt with some screaming muggle song lyrics. I didn't bother to put on a jacket, since the sun was shining brightly. When I walked out of my apartment the last words "And I'm too sexy for this song" left my mouth as I slammed the door closed with a big smile on my face.

Thirty minutes later I was sitting at my small table with some scrambled eggs and toast. My hair was looking rather messy and my nail polish was chipped, but I still had an hour to get ready. When I finished my breakfast I took my time to style my hair and put on a bit more eye pencil than I wore usually. I painted my nails black, as usual and waited for them to dry while leaning on the window seal and staring over London. I tried to clean my apartment for a bit, but I was too excited to do anything but pace around. After a while I just decided to leave, even though I would be nearly twenty minutes early.

* * *

 _Ignore the fa_ _ct that this song wasn't out in the Marauders time, but I just had to write it in this story somewhere, because it's so Sirius._


	13. Grace - Two (5)

I had hoped he would be a little bit late so I would still have time to get myself together and figure out how I was going to behave and what I was going to say, but Lupin was five minutes early. I was a bit shocked by his early appearance and I think he could see that, because he laughed softly. I quickly regained my usual swagger and got up, giving him a confident grin. I wasn't sure how to greet him, but he went for a short wave and that was fine with me. I pulled back his chair and he thanked me and dropped down. I could see his cheeks redden and as I set down I felt the tension rise. This was why I didn't do dates, only drunk kisses and hook-ups. Dates made things awkward. No, wait, they didn't make them awkward, they were awkward. There was this thing with dates where there was so much pressure to talk, that both of you would fall silent. Though this time, that didn't happen, by Remus' doing.

'I don't really like the awkward forced small talk,' he said as made himself comfortable on his chair. He wore a beige shirt with long sleeves and a pair of dark brown jeans. I, myself, wore dark blue shorts and a black t-shirt, with long sleeves as well. I wondered if he wasn't melting in that outfit, it was mid-summer and it wasn't cool at all. I certainly was melting. I decided not to mention it. He probably had a good reason for it, just like me. I was pretty sure my dark mark showing, wouldn't earn me bonus points.

'Okay,' I said, 'me neither. So, what do you want to drink and eat and what is your favorite movie to watch when you're sick?' I asked and leaned towards him. He blinked, probably surprised that I had directly taken him up on his words and broke the awkward tension by a very strange question. He then laughed and it was the most wonderful sound ever. I smiled and handed him one of the menu cards. We both picked a large iced-caffe and a large waffle draped in milk chocolate and strawberries. Even though I had just eaten, I was hungry again. Typical.

'My favorite movie,' he said, his lips covered in chocolate, 'is The Great Gatsby. Don't laugh at me okay, I know it's cheesy, but I love crying when I'm sick.' I frowned and laughed softly.

'Why would you want to feel even more shitty when you're sick? Also… what kind of movie is that?' I asked. I drank a sip from my iced-caffe and studied the other boy. I had never really had te time for studying him from so up close in bright daylight. His eyes were even more beautiful in this light. They were a mix of many colors, making it a real window to the soul. His skin was pale, even paler than normal it seemed and those evil scars on his face were now more visible than ever. I think he noticed I was looking at him intently, because he looked down and focussed on his strawberry-chocolate waffle.

'I don't know. It's not a bad kind of sad I suppose. I just love how they love each other.' He fell silent for a moment and this time, he was the one studying me. I wondered what he was seeing. Would he notice the way my black hair fell down my cheekbones? How it escaped from the messy ponytail I had made? Would he notice the different shades of grey in my eyes or the curve of my lips? Would he think I was stunningly handsome or would there be something that he did not like? 'Of course,' he stated, as if something had struck him that was totally obvious. 'You don't know any muggle movies.' I shrugged and played with my waffle. In the minutes I'd waited, I'd listened to other conversations of muggles getting together. One of the guys had asked this to his date. I had never seen any movie, but it seemed like a good question.

'I have never seen one,' I admitted, 'but it seemed like something nice to ask.' He smiled weakly and remained silent for a while. I shifted uncomfortably. I was afraid it would turn into the awkward-smalltalk date again, but he just laughed softly and looked up at me.

'We should go to the cinema once,' he then said. My smile brightened and I nodded. I opened my mouth to speak and that's when I felt it. My wrist burned. I flinched, but was lucky enough that Remus wasn't watching. I bit my lip and ignored the pain, but I knew what I had to do. I looked on the clock behind the bar and sighed. I got up abruptly.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered. He looked startled. It had only been half an hour. I hadn't really know how long this date was going to be, but this was certainly not what neither he and I had expected. 'I have to go.' I swallowed. He opened his mouth, probably to ask me why, but I cut in. 'I can't explain. It's… complicated. I'm so sorry.' Damm it. I wish I could stay, but I would risk getting myself killed and to be honest, that wasn't worth it. I leaned over the table and pressed a kiss on his cheek. He seemed surprised and flushed, but I saw the hurt in his eyes. 'I'll see you at the cinema… Friday night,' I quickly said. 'The one closest by my house.' He didn't agree, but I didn't expect him to. I would have to see if he would show up. If he didn't, it was my own fault. I made myself turn around and walk away. When I turned around a corner into a small alley, I spun around on the spot and vanished. My surroundings changed and where I came, it seemed like the sun didn't even shine. The hedges around the house seemed to block the sun and I felt my stomach plunge as I stepped through the gigantic black door. I quickly changed clothes with a wave of my wand so I was wearing my black robes. I walked into the great dinner hall. They were there already. I swallowed and bowed, my mood dropping completely. I didn't look at Him, but I felt his eyes burn on me as I sat down next to Severus, ready to hear what he had to say.


End file.
